


that I would be good

by mywholecry



Category: Song of the Lioness - Tamora Pierce, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Marriage, Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-30
Updated: 2011-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mywholecry/pseuds/mywholecry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one ever calls her Princess (otherwise known as: The Obligatory "What If Alanna Had Married Jon?" Fic.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	that I would be good

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2007.

No one ever calls her 'princess'. Jonathon says they will get used to it, that once people see her more as his wife, they will understand. He buys her gowns and gold and everything she should want, but she doesn't want it. She wants to be able to duel again. She wants to travel, alone. Mostly, she wants to be able to talk to George, but it cannot be known that a princess is consorting with such dangerous company, and everything a princess does is known.

She doesn't want to be a princess.

 

*

 

A month after her wedding, she falls off of her horse trying to ride into the city at night and breaks her leg in three places. The healers mend it but recommend bed rest for a day, at least.

"I was just going out for a ride," she murmurs, when Jon looks at her with eyes that ask just what she thought she was pulling. He already knew what her answer was going to be, though, and she's sure that he also knows what she was really doing.

He didn't wake up when she slipped out of bed. If she didn't love him, she would remind him of that.

*

George comes to visit her the day after. She hears a soft, familiar rap on her windowpane and moves to open it quickly, letting him climb inside. Hazel eyes lock onto hers firmly, and she blushes.

"I missed you," she says.

"Your Highness," he replies.

"Don't call me that." She grabs his arm and holds onto it, desperately. "Please." He doesn't pull away from her, but he angles his head, a little sadly.

"It was your choice, Alanna. You chose him." He switches their holds so he can turn her around to stare out window. "And in choosin' him, you chose all of that." The castle grounds and the Lower City sweep out below them like a chessboard. She tries to stop her hands from shaking, but it doesn't matter anymore, because he is already gone.

*

When King Roald dies, Jonathon is named king, and Alanna becomes queen instantaneously. She wears a violet dress that matches her eyes and her hair loose down her back, and the crown rests perfectly on her head. She curtsies low and doesn't even stumble when she turns around and sees hazel eyes staring out from the crowd of people.

Later that night, Jon makes love to her, and she waits until he is asleep to admit that she is in much too deep.

 

*

 

The queen cannot be put in any situation that could prove threat to her life. With this declaration, ages old, her shield is proven worthless. It is hung up in the portrait hall, next to the portrait of her in chain mail and a crown. A warrior queen without a weapon. She watches the pages fight, and her fingers ache for the feel of a sword.

Whenever she can, she stays in their room and does exercises to keep her strength. She doesn't know why, but it's the only thing that keeps her sane, like a promise that someday she will be a knight again.

 

*

 

On Jon and Alanna's third anniversary, she meets George in the garden after dark. She finds him with his arms crossed over his chest, a small package hidden beneath them. There is a grim smile on his face when he hands it to her.

"Congratulations," he says. She looks at him curiously before tearing at the brown paper and opening the lid. Her eyes widen.

"George," she whispers. Her fingers close around the silver hilt of a dagger with a blade edged in gold leafing. She touches it to the pad of her thumb, and they both watch the blood break across the surface and spread over the skin.

"I trust you'll remember how to use it, an you'll have to?"

She nods, slowly, and smiles when he leans down and presses his lips to her forehead.

*

She always wanted to know more about the Shang warriors, and she listens intently to the stories of the Dragon when he comes to the court. They don't normally enter into households, particularly not those of royalty, but he claims to have heard too much about the famed Tortallan queen to stay away.

He watches her with dark green eyes for most of the dinner, answering her questions politely.

She is not what he expected.

That night, while Jon takes the Dragon to meet his council, she practices with the dagger until she is sure she is as quick as she used to be.

*

George comes occasionally to help her practice in secret, and she has started to beat him again. It is a strange thrill, the feel of his hands on her, warm, rough skin. She slips up thinking of it, and he manages to throw her. When she lands on the ground, he is already kneeling beside her.

"All right?" he gasps.

She kisses him, suddenly, a mad movement of lips and breath and his skin flush against hers. He returns it thoughtlessly, a little desperately, because they have both known that this is the only true thing left in their lives.

"You're married," he murmurs. "Alanna, you. . .you're Queen." He thumbs the path of her jawbone before he moves away, eyes lowered.

"I am." She touches his arm. "I'm not happy, George."

"Tell your husband that."

"I _can't_. You know I can't."

"Then neither can I."

*

A few months are what she takes before she leaves a note on the window sill and leaves.

 _I can't do this. I'll miss you, I still love you, forgive me. Tell them I've gone, I've died, I've run away. Whatever you must. I can't be this anymore, Jon._

 _Don't hate me._

When she shows up at the Dove, George looks at her with calm eyes and lets her tell him everything, without interrupting. A soft kiss on her lips.

"We'll have to leave."

"I will," she whispers, not quite looking at him.

" _We_ will."

He takes her in his arms, and, later, they fall asleep together for the first time.


End file.
